How To Ward Off University Snakes In These 5 Basic Steps

University; probably one of the most enchanting and psychologically developing phases of our lives. As soon as you step out of high school, you expect to catch the earliest ‘learning’ train, aiming to socialize, expanding your friend circle and being the A-lister amongst people you may or may not know. The sheer hope, however, comes crashing right down the moment you are asked to work in a ‘group’. Oh yes, THE HORROR! I bet just a small mention of the word must send a cold shivers down your spine.

One good thing that has always come out of group work is getting to know people, the true face of darkness, which is sweeter than sweet on your face but strikes you like ruthless Gregor Clegane behind your back. Yes, my friends I am talking about none other than uni-SNAKEUZ. The ‘U’ and ‘Z’ is only for that extra feel.

While, the slythering sytherers continue messing with our mental reserves, the only thing we can think of is how to get rid of them one, by one. Discarding the toxicity from our already-so-miserable life as soon as possible is not only healthy but scientifically and biologically obligatory. Don’t mind the exaggeration because I mean every word.

Talking with practical experience, here are 5 basic methods of warding of university snakes during the 4 gruesome years and even after you graduate (in case you come across the same arses at workplace too *cringes*).

  1. Have Trust Issues

You heard me. Your mom, sister or best friend might have it otherwise, telling you it’s not ‘right’ to not put trust in ‘good’ people you meet.

Mom: ‘Beta, try tou karo. Sab ko chance dou.’


The thing is, mother, people disappoint. I’d rather put 100 percent trust in Mitch – the Flower Pot instead. At least that won’t dare to snitch on me to the lab professor. Pshft.

2. Be Complacent a.k.a Self Absorbed a.a.k.a Selfish

It might seem like an overly narcissistic, ‘rude’ thing to do but trust me when you’re in Uni, putting yourself first over others’ needs is not only important but freakin’ necessary. ‘I would want to get samosa first because I have been in line for over 30 minutes and I am allergic to the sun.’

3. Learn to say ‘N-to-the-O’ = NO

You just gotta.

‘No, I won’t let you diss me for my bad grade, loud voice or cracky laughter.’

‘No, I don’t have a royal mustang.’

‘No, I don’t like you’.


4.  Maintain a Resting B-Face

It’s just easy shrugging people off your back and mind when you have a chronically austere face-aura.

5. Be Mean to The Mean Girls/Boys

It’s not rude being Regina George to a dilapidated version of Sansa Stark. Stop being a people-pleaser because jeezuz, mate, you don’t owe them a Holy Horcrux. Bad people shall always be bad no matter how overtly good you are to them. Stop, take a step back, and be the baddest mean girl as you can be.


So, there you go, the five basic, effective methods to keep away uni reptiles and spending 4 glorious undergrad years in peace.


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How To Ward Off University Snakes In These 5 Basic Steps

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