Whether you’re a 13-year-old or a 30-year-old, it’s all the same to your mother…. especially if shes a desi ma jee regardless if youre living in des or pardes. To her youll always be her kid who needs some sense knocked in them from time to time if not be pampered. shell always have something to say to you, at all times, 24\7 nonstop without breaks and hey! In her defense its all so we become better human beings before “main chali jaoun is dunya se”
Here are 10 taunts, I’m sure, all our mothers have said to us:
1. AGAR PARH LIA HOTA TOU SABKE SAMNAY ITNI SHARMINDAGI NAI HOTI
If your’e not the over achiever in the family, we’re sure you’ve heard this till the time you graduated with a bachelors degree. We can all remember the times when our happiness over and average grade, which by the way was much more than we had expected, was destroyed by our mothers sad and sometimes accusative tone of voice, where she would remind us how we had shamed her in front of her family in which her bhanjas and bhatijas were getting A*s.
2. ZABAN MATT CHALAO!
I’m sure we’ve all went through the sudden heart attack when in an argument with mother dearest, we are asked to say what we have to say in our defense and before we are able to voice out even the second sentence her shrill of a voice tells us to shut up and behave ourselves for we were talking back which they NEVER did in hamaray zamanay main.
WHO knew voicing out an opinion had a heart attack penalty. Sheesh!
3. YEH SAB WEST KA KUSOOR HAI
Our mothers will never understand that putting things above and up front in our room is convenient. No. she will always think that its what we believe is “cool”, something we have learned from the west. Constantly telling us to clean our rooms when CLEARLY it already is (for us atleast) makes it pretty difficult to comprehend what exactly it is she wants making it once again and inevitable argument.
4. JAB MAIN MAR JAOUN GE TOU TUM KO SAMAJH AYE GE
Ever wonder whats up with the dramatics!! We fail to understand how every sane argument turns into a dramatic performance where ammi jee turns from a furious superwoman, ready to take us down, when time to bring in the big guns (her tears) turns into this small sobbing woman who is unable to say anything except give us ultimatums of her tragic death without us for we would have left her and she would be alone to die.
COME ON! Can we ever have a sane conversation where she is NOT dying!!!!!
5. SACH BATAO!! SACH!!
We swear! Shes not just a mother, shes a lawyer!!! She will suspect anything and everything you do and condemn you a liar if the truth is not according to her. We mean come on! Who would lie about drinking the entire bottle of coke….
6. MERI APNI BHE KOI ZINDAGI HAI YA NAI!!!!
Even though we all know her universe revolves around us, we still get to hear her say how we are a constant pain and have taken her stress free life away and given her nothing but nonsensical stupidities like potty training and heaps of laundry.
7. KUCH ZYADA HE AZADAI DEDI HAI…MERI AIK AUR GHALTI!
Remember the time you got your first phone? Or the time you got to take the car on your own? Such good and short lived moments they were, weren’t they? Yes. How they quickly disappeared as soon as we were caught texting in the middle of the night or had gone out twice. How quickly we became good deserving children from villains who had to be shot down before they got away too quickly because of the AZAADI we had been abusing….well according to ammee jee anyways.
8. AB TUM MUJHE BATAO GE? MAIN TUMHARI MA HUN!
We fail to understand how every time we try to tell our mother something she reminds us that shes our mother and there isn’t a thing we can teach her… okay cool, you are our mother but just accept that we know more about todays technology than you….. PLEASE!
9. TAMEEZ KAY KAPRAY PEHNOUN! MAIN NE BHANGII PEDA NAI KIAY!
Why do we even bother with fashion! We all know that as soon as we wear a skirt, our mother will cover us with a huge dupatta, saying sharif larkiyan dupatay k bagher nai nikalti and will send us back to search for a new pair of jeans for the one we’re wearing is faded…..ITS FASHION FOR GOD SAKES!! UNDERSTAND WOMAN!
OKAY DON’T!! SHEESH!
10. SUSRAAL WALOUN K SAMNAY TUM HE MAERI NAAK KUTWAO GE
you should thank god if you’re a son and not a daughter. Because there is no end to the “gol roti banana seekho” and “sughar larkiyoun ki shadi hoti hai”. From the moment we learn how to hold a tray, we are constantly reminded how to sit, stand, laugh, sleep, cook, talk, walk,breatheDIE!!!
KHUDA K LIAY! Why is there no end to this!! Seekh lain ge yaar!!
11. MAIN KHUD CHALI JAUNGI!
Never underestimate the power of this emotional blackmailing statement! Maa ji knows when and how to press your right buttons when you cannot even move your butt. When she tells you to bring dahi, you should not even resist at the first place because ultimately, she is going to emotionally attack you by saying “Main khud chali jaungi” and then tumhara baap bhi jaega. Not literally of course.
12. JAB TUM MAA BANOGI NA TOU PATA CHALEGA
Exams are not the only way to stimulate anxiety from your head to toe. At least, not for our beloved Maa Ji. You know shit is getting serious when she says “Jab tum Maa banogi na tou pata chalega” and there you start getting anxious while reconsidering your aamaal or else kafaara adaa karna hoga.
13. “MAIN JAA RAHI HUN GHAR CHOR KAR”
This statement is the Mother of all Bombs – THE NUCLEAR BOMB! It has the power to lead to mass destruction and the side-effects will remain for long periods of time. Obviously, if Maa ji leaves the house forever then who is going to take care of us? Though, deep down she knows that this weapon of hers will always suppress our demons and drag us down towards her merciful jannati feet.
14. AUR PHONE USE KARO?!
According to Maa ji, every problem is a result of our over excessive usage of phone or laptop. If you have a headache, it is because of your usage of phone. If you have a stomach ache, it is because of your phone. If you have a bad grade, thank your phone. If you are single, praise your mobile…oh wait! Nooo. You cannot be single if you have a phone in your God damn hands!
15. PATA SAB HAI PHIR BHI AMMAL NAHI KARNA
That Mulani mode of Maa ji where she ends up catching you doing some religious discussion by chance and there she strangles you with her tongue by saying “Kabhi ammal nahi karna!”
16. QADAR NAHI HAI TUM LOGON KO!
Oh, how can we forget the moment of our clumsiness where we become the ungrateful species on this planet. You know when you break a glass accidentally, you end up breaking the trust between you and Maa jee as well. Her sarcastic encouragement “shabash beta” is the subliminal message that you are a disgrace to her and you do not have any “Qadar” of her/her belongings.
But anyways. Whatever our mother is like, and no matter how crazy she drives us, we know we cant live without her. Shes our personal super hero and we should be proud of all that she does for us.